Thursday, July 15, 2010

Forbidden Benjamin of the Blood Beast

This concludes the giant batch of movies I've been trying to get caught up on. I suddenly have a lot more time on my hands so I'm going to be spending the remainder of the year trying to reach a certain goal I set for myself which I've already started on, but I'll save the details of that for a separate post. For now, it's the typical garbage.




You combine Woody Allen with Larry David, and I'm fucking there. Larry plays what feels like a spiritual cousin to me; a man so cynical, it burns just to listen to him. Imagine his role on Curb Your Enthusiasm but instill a whole new level of hate in his heart and that's what you're seeing here. He falls for what could only be the most perfect definition of a polar opposite, forcing him to deal with the humanity he so desperately shuns. Larry doesn't come across as the best actor in the film, but his barbs are so funny and caustic you won't really notice much. The rest if the movie falters whenever the focus is taken off of him. The whole thing begins to come across as some off-Broadway play after a while and the characters really start taking left turns out of nowhere just so there can be some laughs at the big wrap up. Normally this would bug the hell out of me, but the strength of the Boris character is so good, I could easily overlook it.
Sights within:
-World's most unexpected, yet funny, suicide attempt.
-People start and end relationships at the drop of a hat here.
-I could watch an entire movie that consists solely of Larry David insulting children at a chess table if I could.
-What a tidy little wrap up.
Grade: B-



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Even though the subject matter is way more fucked-up than anything in Mr. Vengeance or Oldboy, I didn't find this as hard hitting as the other two films in the trilogy. Park spends more time on an intricately thought out plot than on his amazing directorial style, even though his worst directing is leagues better than almost anything we have to offer. The eponymous character is released from prison and sets about her path to revenge, not realizing just how deep that will take her. The film's climax twists you inside. You want to root for these guys and what they're doing, but it's handled with such a patient and somber attitude that you begin to doubt whether it truly is the right thing to do. I find this to be my least favorite of the Vengeance trilogy, but that doesn't make this any less of an engrossing, superbly made trip of a movie.
Sights within:
-World's most abstract gun, outside of Videodrome.
-The poor puppy.
-One of the best opening credits.
-The humor in Park's films always makes you feel awful for laughing.
-They did a great job of making Oldboy into a truly despicable person.
Grade: B+



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Or SPL as it's known around the rest of the world. The difference between our action movies and Hong Kong action movies is that they have actual skill in filming fight scenes as well as usually trying to deliver a story that makes you think. This film presents a typical cobs and bad guys tale, but spends most of its time twisting you on who you should actually be caring about. This isn't a film about blacks and whites but about the different levels of grays. The bad guys have families and the cops falsify evidence, it's a constant switch on the definitions of what is a "good guy" and what is a "bad guy." The action scenes are amazing and put to shame the fight scenes we have in our films. Donnie Yen specifically tears ass whenever he's allowed to. Yet, the movie isn't about the fights. They're simply how these men do business. A great film that has gone completely ignored in this country.
Sights within:
-Sammo Hung pretty much destroys the general idea of what a fat man can do.
-Doesn't it look like Donnie Yen is wearing too much chap-stick throughout the movie?
-World's coolest knife fight.
-An ending that will leave you blinking in silence for a couple of minutes. Wow.
Grade: B+



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Ouch. A movie so down and dirty, you'll wince. This is like a Chan Wook Park film that's more concerned with grit than style. The whole movie feels dirty, thanks to a run-down film look and the nastiness of the story itself. A man raised as an assassin from childhood runs afoul of the team of detectives determined to bring him down, even as he discovers his own humanity. The fight scenes aren't about pulling off cool stunts. They're brutal, hitting hard and fast. As the supposed bad guy of the film brings himself into the light, the primary cop chasing him begins to slip down into the darkness, obsessed with catching the killer. This film would feel right at home in the gritty cinema of the 70's. It's completely free of the typical bullshit found in similar films and actually rattled me a little for a few days afterwards. Definitely worth hunting down.
Sights within:
-I don't think I've ever seen a crime movie feel so hopeless for every character within.
-World's most bizarre love story.
-Cement blocks hurt.
-Edison Chan acts the hell out of this movie, while barely saying anything.
-You'll feel like you need a shower once the movie ends.
-And speaking of which, how can such a disturbing ending have even the slimmest glimmer of hope like this one does?
Grade: A-



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One I had seen scenes from here and there over the years, but I had never sat down and watched it from start to finish before. One of the biggest strengths of the film is how it gets across how these people were so admired. They're funny and eschew charisma wherever they go. It's not hard to imagine why these criminals became such celebrities, before the days where you're a celebrity first and then you're a criminal. Everyone in the movie seems to be having fun, until its infamous ending kicks the air out of you. The violence may not seem that bad to viewers today but its liberal use of killing was pretty jarring compared to the westerns and the like from around the same period. Just pure entertainment the whole way through.
Sights within:
-World's most out of nowhere appearance from Gene Wilder.
-Gene Hackman hamming it up.
-It took a while for me to notice, but yeah, that's Lucille Bluth.
-It's hard coming up with snarky remarks for a movie this solid.
-The ending probably would have been more surprising if a thousand fucking places hadn't ruined it time and time again over the years.
Grade: A-



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It's funny how no matter how much things change, there's always patterns that return. During the 3-D phase of the 50's, the studio forced Hitchcock to film this one in 3-D if he wanted to get it made, something currently plaguing filmmakers today. I'm sure Louis Leterrier has some unkind words about the conversion process being slapped on movies now. You can tell Hitchcock had no patience for this shit and almost as a "fuck you" to the studio, decided to stick a lamp in the forefront of almost every scene, providing the film's "depth" required to thrill 3-D patrons. Seriously, almost every scene leaves wondering why the fuck that lamp is jutting out in the middle of the frame until you realize how the movie was originally filmed. The story itself is a typical murder caper with various plots and revelations going on until the big reveal through a long stream of quick dialog hits. It's entertaining enough, even if it does feel like a stage play (which it came from), but it doesn't stick out as a particularly remarkable film, compared to other Hitchcock films at least.
Sights within:
-World's biggest dipshit of a mystery writer.
-I'm still baffled at why a studio demanded that a talky suspense movie where 98% of the film takes place in one of two rooms be filmed in 3-D.
-I like how the intended murderer is treated like a piece of scum from the start.
-Really, I'm surprised the lamps didn't get screen credit. They were the center of more shots than some of the actors.
Grade: B



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This is more of what I expect from a Hitchcock film. The visuals are as meticulous as clockwork and the story is nice and taut, with touches of Hitch's streak of dark comedy. Robert Walker as Bruno comes across as a demented mix of Jack Lemmon and Kevin Spacey, stealing every one of his scenes as a psycho that commits a murder in exchange for another. His would-be co-conspirator comes across as a clod but Walker more than makes up for it. You can't help but laugh at him even as he gets under your skin. The story takes more than a few turns with the plot but never gets out of hand or ridiculous. The big finale is a showstopper that comes across as impressive even today. One of the best Hitchcock films I've seen yet.
Sights within:
-The shot of Walker in the tennis stands is one of the most jarring shots Hitchcock filmed.
-Hitchcock managed to find not one but two actresses that could pass themselves off as turtles.
-You can tell he's bad because he doesn't like children's balloons.
-World's most psycho carousel ride.
Grade: A



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I had caught chunks of this back when TNT and TBS were awesome. The main thing I had remembered after all these years was the monster attack, not knowing that it was pretty much near the end of the film. That one scene actually creeped me out one late night back in '92 (I know this because they were spamming the commercials with TV spots for Bram Stoker's Dracula at the time) and burrowed itself in with all of the rest of the major childhood cinema memories. Watching it today, it's still somewhat unsettling. Not so much for the same monster attack, but for the scenes following it. The whole movie throws you off center just with the music score alone. It's not performed with the typical orchestral arrangements but entirely of computerized beeps and whistles. I'm not sure if it's the absolute first movie to use such a score, but it's the earliest that I know. The droning and psychotropic tones start to dig in only moments into the movie. The movie has a lot of the standard sci-fi elements of the time; a rocketship, a slew of crew members playing their respective stock characters, and its own take on scientific mumbo-jumbo. However, the story is one of more intelligence than other films of the time. It avoids being simply about aliens and lasers and goes into the true fears of mankind. A truly great film.
Sights within:
-Robby the Robot, such a likable character, the studio would reuse him in other unrelated films.
-Lt. Frank Drebin before the hair went gray.
-World's largest pile of whiskey.
-The monster's still cool.
Grade: B+



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Another one of those movies where I've seen just about the whole thing but never watched it from start to finish before, which is especially weird when you factor in how much of a Carpenter nut I am. It's pretty much what I expected, Kurt's awesome, score's awesome, and everyone's throwing machismo like it fell off the back of a truck. The main thing that struck me watching it now was how low-key it was. Russell seems to take the movie at a leisurely pace and everyone else seems to match him. Even the wrestling scene felt kind of slow which I don't know if it was because the movie was going at a slow pace or it was just a hot afternoon and I was a little out of it anyways. The movie's cool enough, but I'd rate it around the middle of Carpenter's oeuvre.
Sights within:
-A British President of the United States.
-Who could hate Harry Dean Stanton?
-Tom Atkins!
-I'm betting they didn't have to dress New York up too much at the time.
-World's most rockin' eye-patch.
-The sequel's about as much of a 180 as you can get.
Grade: B-



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Warner Brothers wanted to turn Robby the Robot into a household name and after Forbidden Planet, they tried to find other projects to place him in. His next movie turned out to be just as enjoyable as the film that wrought Robby, but in an entirely different way. The leading mathematicians in the U.S. has created the world's smartest computer, one that also happens to be the size of a Winnebago. This computer has tricked its creators into upgrading it to the point of instilling sentient thought into the machine and awakened a desire for world domination. The computer works through the head mathematician's son and his pet robot as well taking over the mind's of others. This was just a really enjoyable sci-fi flick with a surprising amount of laughs. The characters in this are so offbeat they lend a wholly different tone than that of the usual 50's robots and spaceship movies. There's nothing life-changing here or anything, but it sure as shit is fun. Modern films can learn a little something about entertainment value here.
Sights within:
-The world's snarkiest little boy. I swear he was from the heart of the Bronx while the rest of his family was pure-bread Kansas.
-Despite the title, the whole "invisible boy" angle isn't a major factor here.
-Oh look, it's Heinlein's Puppet Masters.
-World's coolest future kite.
-The family dinner scenes are fucking hilarious.
-Here's something you won't hear from me too often: I could see a decent remake from this, assuming they kept the breezy tone intact.
Grade: B+



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Wow. I really tried to like this one. The trailers and all of the talk at the time it was out just made it seem like nothing but Oscar bait so I never watched it. I picked up the Criterion Blu for cheap and it's been sitting here like a sore thumb so I figured I'd throw it on and give it a chance now that the hub-bub's died down. Nope, it still reeks of pretentiousness and "look how important this is." Like I said, I tried to like it. I'm usually a sucker for nostalgic period films with schmaltzy plots. I'm old-school like that. But it just felt like every thing about this was lifted from other better Oscar winning movies and nothing really clicked with me as it's own, outside of the backwards age gimmick. And then literally nothing happens for what had to have been about an hour. I might have cared a little more if the Cate Blanchett and Brad Pitt relationship was interesting, but it only seemed as though they wanted each other because this type of movie decreed it. I'd say at least Brad Pitt was good, but he really only delivered simple lines at a slow pace. By the time it was nearing the end, I was dying for it to be over. Not only is it the worst David Fincher movie by a mile as well as edging out Kicking and Screaming as my least favorite movie in the Criterion Collection, it's also the biggest piece of pretentious, big-budget Oscar bait since Cinderella Man.
Sights within:
-World's laziest assortment of theatrical posters. The one posted is the best one, and even that probably took all of ten minutes of planning. The Blu-ray cover? Puke. The worst in the entire Criterion Collection.
-I didn't understand one fucking thing Cate Blanchett mumbled when she was in the hospital.
-The movie really only felt alive when either Jared Harris or Taraji P. Henson is onscreen. Jason Flemyng wasn't bad either.
-The effects sucked. I'm sorry. I don't know if it was because I watched the Blu on a big-screen HDTV, but any computer effects looked like they were thrown on top of the film.
-That's another thing, I already can't stand movies being shot on digital. Every time the camera moved quick or it was a night scene, it reminded me of how inferior digital cameras still are.
-I have no problem with 3+ hour movies if they're interesting, but this fucking thing felt like it was ebbing my life away, one second at a time.
-World's best opening WB logo. It was all downhill from there.
Grade: D



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There's never a bad time for Mystery Science Theater 3000. Cooking, cleaning, lounging, whatever you're doing it can always bettered with a little MST3K. This concerns an alien coming to Earth to reproduce and help its race survive, typical 50's square jawed machismo and women in trouble follows. The film pretty much hands itself on a platter to the riff-crew just with the alien's procreation methods alone. Another great episode.
Sights within:
-World's only man pregnant with shrimp babies.
-I swear that monster's fought the Power Rangers.
-Yet another movie that could have inspired Alien, minus the shrimp.
-It's all about Steve.
Grade: B



Movies Watched: 12
-Whatever Works
-Sympathy for Lady Vengeance
-Kill Zone
-Dog Bite Dog
-Bonnie and Clyde
-Dial M for Murder
-Strangers on a Train
-Forbidden Planet
-Escape From New York
-The Invisible Boy
-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (Blu)
-Night of the Blood Beast - MST3K Version
New Movies Bought: 4
-Let It Ride
-Wrong Turn 3
-Man on Wire
-Tell Tale
Unseen DVDS: 3219
Unseen Blu-rays: 70
Unseen VHS: 120
Unseen DVD-R'S: 5


Baby come back
Make yourself whole

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